Desires of My Heart

It’s been a long parenting month of trying to back track on some over indulgences I have noticed when it comes to my parenting. Yes, I admit it, somehow my husband and I have spoiled our children. This past month has been many efforts to really address the heart of my children. Why aren’t they obeying me? Why do they feel it is OK to argue with me, or talk back to me?

I don’t want to turn a blind eye to these issues. I want to honor God with my parenting, and having children that disobey, and disrespect me, all in one breath, really has me reflecting on what I have done to cause this in my home, and what I can do to change it.

We’ve definitely made some progress, but I have to say whenever there is a set back my heart grows weary. My expectations tell me that my efforts are hopeless. I have learned to put my worth, my hope, and delight in my expectations when it comes to parenting. If I have a good day then, good. If it’s a bad day then, bad.

Failure to meet my expectations take me away from why God made me a mother in the first place, and why I’m embarking on this journey to direct my children’s hearts towards Him. When I parent to honor God then I am then delighting in Him. But when I’m parenting out of guilt, fear, or the desire to meet a certain expectation then I am delighting in something other than HIM. I’m delighting in acceptance, fun, and the hopes of my own heart.

But when I delight in Him, He will give me those desires. I don’t have to meet the expectations and hopes of my heart, all I need to do is focus on Him and redirect my purpose once again. It’s not always easy, but He really does encourage my heart every day to keep pressing forward and to continue to delight in Him, in every thing, especially in parenting.

I’m counting down the days until my oldest daughter turns 14 years old.

I have to say my mind has been reminiscing on how life was just 14 years ago. It seems like such a long time ago, but really it’s not.

I had my daughter when I was only 16 years old. I remember the day I found out I was pregnant with her, my life had changed. My husband (who was my boyfriend at the time) said he was so amazed at the transformation I made when I found out I was pregnant. Truly my heart was never the same again.

I think as parents we can all relate to how our heart changes when we become a mom or a dad. You can’t go through this process without having a changed heart if you truly love your child…

That’s the way it is with God and when we truly delight in Him. A heart that is delighted in Him is a heart that is transformed. People will SEE your heart for the Lord and they will SEE that HE is the one who truly matters in your Life.

I wrote before that we don’t obey God to “prove” our love for Him, but instead out of our love for Him we have an obedient heart.

It was out of my love for my daughter that I transformed my life, I wanted to be the mother she deserved. Of course I’m human and I have failed many, many times, but my love for her keeps me moving towards a life where I’m willing to make sacrifices for her (and her little brother and sister) to be the mother that God created me to be.

When our heart is delighted in Him we love Him so much that our life is transformed. Sure we will fail many, many times. But our delight in HIM will keep us moving forward to living a life worthy of the call He has placed on our heart, and in the process we He will give us the desires of our heart….

Lately I had been feeling torn, discouraged, and frustrated. Wondering “What do I do next, God?”

At first I heard Him loudly whispering to my heart, then it got quieter but it was consistent.

I kept saying “no.”

Funny how we vow never to do something, and then shortly we find our self doing it again…I had recently said I was done saying “no” to God.

But as soon as I said “yes” – in spite of my fear, or my “better” judgement, I finally said “yes.”

My heart found peace.

I finally have faith again. My heart is excited to see what God will do in this particular situation.

I have hope.

When I was turning my back on God, my heart was stuck and it was discouraged. Doubt and a feeling of being defeated crept in easily. I often wondered “why” but then was often reminded of my purpose.

We can choose not to obey what the Lord is trying to tell us, but if we go to Him and ask His guidance, then a heart delighted in Him walks obediently in faith to answer the call that God has placed on their life…

Disclosure: Some affiliate links have been used within this post.

Something my husband said to me the other night began to make a lot of sense.

He said:

What matters is the condition your heart is in when you make your choices.

We were talking about how it really all comes down to choice. The choice to follow Christ or not, the choice to love, the choice to walk in faith, the choice to either delight in Him or our idols.

God gave us free will and sin entered our hearts through the choices we made. But even when Adam and Eve sinned it was the condition of their heart that led them to make their choice to eat from the tree.

I was telling my husband that sometimes even the thought of having to make a choice can trip us up. I have often struggled with the fear that I would make the wrong choice so I made no choice at all…then my husband pointed out to me that not making a choice was my choice. The problem here was that I was choosing fear instead of faith, it was the condition of my heart that caused me not to choose. Even if I were to walk in faith and make the “wrong” choice His grace would cover me, if it wasn’t a sin.

Our choices are defined by what is in our heart. They are defined by what we desire. We put our time, thoughts, and efforts into what our heart says we want.

When we are delighted in Him our heart has chosen Christ and nothing else…

“But to Israel he says: “All day long I have stretched out My hands To a disobedient and contrary people.” Romans 10:21 (NKJV)

All day long God keeps His hands stretched out for us…

All day long He waits for us to open our hearts to Him…

All day long He waits for us to truly delight in Him….

It breaks my heart knowing that He is waiting for me and I continue to turn my back on Him. I choose the pleasures of this world over Him, and there He sits with His hands stretched out waiting for that one moment when I finally realize that He is all I need, and I am never disappointed to find His arms open and ready for me to fall into them….

What an amazing and sweet moment it truly is when I finally delight in Him…